Eileen Edwards

14 Sep

posted by Eileen Edwards view other posts from this author

Sex and Relationships

How’s you love life? Has your sex life lost its sparkle? Or do you have specific problems in this area?

Problems of this kind can be difficult to discuss. Whilst a lack of accurate information often adds to the problem and in some instances can be its cause.

As a psychologist and therapist specialising in psycho-sexual dysfunction I understand and want to help. My aim here is to provide clear information as to the nature of a good sex life and the problems that may be standing in the way of you enjoying it.

Sex is the mortar that holds the bricks of a relationship together and keeps them apart. Today we’ll deal with problems that affect both sexes.

General dissatisfaction - a need to put back the sparkle.

This often occurs due to misunderstandings about what a good sex life should be. Living in a society where there is a great deal of emphasis on sex it’s easy to feel that we are the only ones missing out. The media and associates who paint an incredibly rosy picture of their sex lives easily compound the problem.

As a rule of thumb in therapy if it’s good 80% of the time it’s good.

 Level of sex drive

You may be concerned that your sex drive is low. Or consider it excessive. Normal sex drive covers a wide spectrum. Our need for sexual activity is individual and varies from person to person just as our needs for food and sleep.

It can also vary from time to time within the individual due to factors such as illness, stress or alcohol consumption.  

However, a mismatch in the level of sex drive often causes problems in relationships.  One partner is feeling frustrated whilst the other could feel pressured to engage in sexual activity.

A high level of sex drive can distract the individual from work and other necessary activities. Or cause them to engage in risky and potentially harmful behaviour.

A very high level of sex drive is sometimes referred to as obsession or sex addiction.

Negative emotions related to sex

Some people experience negative emotions related to sex. These can include feelings of guilt or depression after sexual activity. Or negative feelings towards sex generally. Such feelings may relate to couple’s sexual activity or solo sex (masturbation).


For most couples love means exclusivity. We don’t want to share our partner and may look out for signs that s/he is interested in someone else. To some extent this is natural. However excessive jealousy or jealousy related to past partners is undesirable and can be very damaging to the relationship that the person is trying to safeguard by their watchfulness.

“Vaginismus” the inability of a female to have penetrative sex. Or anxiety about penetrative sex.

These problems clearly effect both partners in a relationship and so to some degree will any sexual problem involving one half of a couple.       

Sex related problems can happen to anyone at any time. They have several possible causes some physical, some originating in the mind. It’s necessary to see a medical doctor to eliminate physical causes before proceeding to other treatment. Psycho-sexual problems refer to situations where the individual’s thoughts and attitudes effect their ability to have an enjoyable sex life These respond well to psychotherapy.

Other causes of sex related problems are stress, the consumption of alcohol; or recreational drugs which may also be helped by psychotherapy.

As a specialist in psycho-sexual dysfunction I work with people experiencing a range of problems to help them gain or regain an enjoyable sex life.

I hope that you have found the information here helpful. Next time we’ll look at female problems. For more information see my website